Ramblings from Insomnia: 3 (Relatively) Sane Strategies

Michelle Sellers

3/29/20242 min read

woman covering her face with blanket
woman covering her face with blanket

It’s 2am and my eyes burst open telling my brain it’s time to get up, but no… it’s just another night of insomnia. That unwelcome little brain gremlin who shows up nagging you about to do lists, teasing you with things you may have forgot to do or replaying that interaction with a friend from last week wondering if you said something weird and you won’t be hearing from them again. I toss, I turn, I even tried counting sheep, but does that actually work for anyone?? So after my 4th or 5th day of nearly no sleep, I come up with 3 slightly-offbeat-but-maybe-helpful ways to lull yourself into dreamland …. that will likely not do that but might entertain you a bit to pass the time in this blackhole abyss of nighttime loneliness.

1. Plan the Most Epic TV/Movie Marathon Ever:

You might be laying there thinking of a good or very very bad movie or show you recently saw. Turn that into a reference for future evening when you are sitting in front of the tv thinking there is nothing to watch! At night I remember the most random things I have watched and think, I need to rewatch that, or share it with my kids. By morning… poof… gone and by the next evening I’m scouring Netflix trying to find something.

2. Mastermind the Most Magnificent April Fool's Prank Ever:

April Fool's Day is around the corner? A true prankster seizes this 3 AM torture to unleash their inner deviousness. Switched furniture, strategically placed tape on a faucet, or maybe even a carefully crafted fake news report about a national ice cream shortage (because I know my kids would panic at the thought). Who’s kidding, I’ve rarely planned a good one, but maybe this year will be my year!

3. Become a Santa's Little Insider (In March):

Who says Christmas shopping has to wait for Black Friday? Or I guess Fall Prime Day now counts as a standard time to start gift buying. Tonight, conquer insomnia by getting a head start on the holidays! Get your laptop, grab a cup of peppermint tea (trying to be festive here), and dive into online deals. If you’re an amazon shopper, make sure to check camelcamelcamel.com . Totally not a sponsorship, but I love that sight, it tells you the price history of items and lets you set an alert that will email you when that item hits or goes below a certain cost you set! Imagine the smug satisfaction of telling everyone in November that you finished your shopping months ago

BONUS: Become a Nocturnal Narrator

Ok, this one isn’t practical, but it pulls out my creative side and can even help me think up new character voices. Ever wonder what the neighborhood squirrel is up to at 3 am? Narrate the nighttime drama playing outside your window. Is that a raccoon planning a trashcan heist? Or the ultimate goal my squirrel arch nemesis is planning when he scampers across the roof to gnaw on my roof shingles? The possibilities are endless and the sheer ridiculousness of it all might lull you into a slumber.

Disclaimer: These strategies are not endorsed by any sleep professionals and may, in fact, worsen your insomnia. But you'll have a good laugh (or cry) in the meantime. For serious sleep solutions, consult a doctor or certified sleep specialist. Sweet dreams or at least mildly entertaining insomnia!